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The
Bishop's Journal
September 2001
The Rite Stuff
"Andrew loved golf. He was diligent when it came to contracts and clients, but on Fridays, he almost always escaped to play a well earned 18 holes. Last Friday, family, friends and fellow duffers dressed in spikes and polo shirts gathered on the 18th green. They came to share fond memories and swap stories. A lone piper silhouetted against the setting sun provided the score for the thoughtful procession as it headed back down the fairway. They all knew, that from that day forward, whenever they remembered Andrew, they'd think of him on the 18th. A favourite place . amazing grace ... a pin flag at half mast! Andrew would have liked that."
A joke? The opening to a sketch on Saturday Night Live? Nope! It's the unedited text of a funeral home ad that I clipped from one of our country's major dailies a few weeks back.
As much as I appreciate the need to sensitively personalize our rites and rituals, I wonder whether things aren't moving a tad too far in that direction. I suppose that if you've decided that your golf game is the most important defining aspect of your life, there might be some logic to using it as the primary metaphor through which your death is ritualized. By the same token, those who would clearly and readily identify themselves as Christian ought to have funeral rites and liturgies that are, likewise, clearly and identifiably Christian!
It concerns me that more and more Christian people are choosing to concede or give up traditional funeral practices that have been closely associated with the life of the church; family visitation, a full funeral liturgy at the church, the committal service, the funeral luncheon, etc. The 18th green scenario - or worse yet, the no visitation/no funeral death announcement, have become much too common in my opinion.
If nothing else, Andrew's memorial service reminds us that, despite protestations to the contrary, human beings continue to value ritual! Furthermore, if we don't feel that we have access to meaningful and appropriate rites of passage, we'll go ahead and create our own. That's just the way we are.
Christians have learned quite a few things about rites and rituals over the past two thousand years and there are some very good reasons for doing the things we do. A full Christian funeral liturgy offers benefits that are richly therapeutic, both spiritually and emotionally. Perhaps we need to be doing a better job of sharing some of that accumulated wisdom, not only with people in the wider community, but also with our own family members and friends.
The best time to plan for a funeral is well before one is actually needed! You will find your pastor most helpful and willing to help design a liturgy that is both personally and theologically sensitive. Then, once you've made your plans, make sure to share and discuss those plans with the rest of your family. In doing so, you'll have provided them with a valuable gift - in more ways than one! Believe me, it's the "rite" thing to do!
The Rev. Michael J. Pryse,
Bishop
